Weight Gain Is A Sign Of Personal Failure.

Weight Gain Is A Sign Of Personal Failure.

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One statement I hear on a regular basis is: “I’ve put on weight and I’ve failed once again”.

Is weight gain a sign of personal failure or is it a myth?

This is exactly what people tend to think but I believe it’s a myth that I would like to debunk it in this article.

Firstly, weight gain can be a result of many different causes, and some may be underlying health conditions that you may not even be aware off.

Secondly, despite what you might have heard, your body is not a simple calorie-burning engine you can tweak at will to keep trim and stay healthy.

Neither is your brain and your thinking…

My “Dysfunctional Belief “Story

If I could count the number of times I shamed and berated myself about gaining weight I would be a billionaire by now.

I always felt that it was my fault, I stuffed up and I just need to try harder next time.

I would go as far as taking unflattering phots to shame myself into motivation but of course it never worked and only made me sad and led to eating my feelings of sadness.

What I have learned is to love my self at any size and deeply.

You see your family and friends love you not for what size you are BUT for who you are!

And let’s face it we are only human, sometimes life throws some heavy balls our way that slow us down and get us of our healthy path .

And let me tell you trying will power in these times simply doesn’t work.

I’ll tell you what works – cutting yourself some slack and paving a way forward.

Is it Personal Responsibility?

Both behavioural economics research and weight-loss trials show that relying solely on individuals to take personal responsibility DOESN’T WORK in the long run.

There is plenty of evidence to show being overweight is not simply an individual choice.

The requirements for someone to control their weight: 

  1. They have to want to have a “healthy” weight
  2. They have to know what behaviours influence weight gain and loss
  3. They have to be able to continue with ongoing behaviours that keep their weight in the healthy range.

 So, why is it so difficult for many individuals to keep the weight off?

That’s because most of our daily decisions are made in an instant, without reflection.

Research shows that there are 220 food related decisions that we make every single day of those we know that less than 20 are made quite consciously.

We make most of them out of habit and a lot of them are driven by our emotional state. Further, experts estimate that 80% of overeating is triggered  by our emotions, not physical hunger.

The complexity of your relationship with food

 You’ve probably noticed the complexity of your relationship with food and therefore, that the ‘eat less, exercise more’ type messages,’ simply don’t work.

If it were that simple we wouldn’t have the challenges that we have right now.

This because there’s a whole brain science behind what drives people to comfort eat and there’s a psychology to that relationship, both of which explain why it’s not that simple.

To make matters worse, if you’re overweight then you’re more likely to have certain hormones released into your system and you’re more likely to look for high fat and high sugar foods.

And if you judge yourself, you may not move as easily and that means you may feel worse about yourself but then that releases those same hormones which drives you to comfort eat even more.

If You Shame and Humiliate Yourself into Reaching Your Goals, Here’s What You Need to Know:

Shame and guilt will not push you into finally making some progress.

How to Stop Motivating Yourself With Guilt and Shame

Using shame and guilt (tactics we’d never dream of using on a friend or a person we love) are going to have a pretty serious ripple-effects on your self-esteem and confidence.

Shaming Yourself To Feel Motivated

Shame has been called our “most dreaded emotional experience.” The feeling is so bad that we want to escape at all costs.

Shame is no fun and telling yourself that you need to endure some pain in order to drop some weight just doesn’t work in the long run.

According to Brené Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston, shame is an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.

She quotes: “I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behaviour than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous.”

 Using Guilt To Feel Motivated

Guilt often leads to shame…

And the problem with guilt is that it’s a terrible motivator and it also makes us feel miserable.

  • When we are driven by guilt it makes us feel ashamed “I’ve failed one more time, I just can’t do this. Other people see me as a disappointment. I rarely achieve anything.”
  • When you stew over the guilty feelings, you lose motivation because you feel so crap about yourself.

Talking Back To Negative Thoughts .

If you swap unhelpful thoughts for positive ones, you’ve a better chance of getting the results you want, especially if you do this for a while and keep practicing.

Thinking that weight gain is a sign of personal failure is a misconception and a limiting belief.

Negative talk about your weight and how you look make it more difficult to keep a constant positive attitude.

What’s Holding You Back.

  • The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself.

What you tell yourself is what you believe. This plays a big role in how you see the world and how you feel… These are your limit

Limiting Beliefs

This is how it goes…. we make up a story about the why and the what. We start to live as if our story were true.

  • Because we believe they’re keeping us safe.
  • The truth is, these stories are stopping you from living the life you deserve feeling confident and believing in your abilities.

Limiting Beliefs are thoughts, opinions that one believes to be the absolute truth. They tend to have a negative impact on one’s life by stopping them from moving forward and growing on a personal and professional level.

HOW to Overcome Limiting Beliefs:

Identify, Reframe, And Move Forward.

For example, when you feel doubtful try asking yourself the following questions:

  • “What if I’m wrong?”
  • “How is this belief serving me?”
  • Create alternative beliefs and test those alternative beliefs to see if they might be true

Focus on what matters and not on what’s happening.

And finally recognise and celebrate small daily wins.

Use phrases like, “I did great today”. I was kind to myself today.”

Now I would love to hear from you…

🍓 What limiting belief is holding you back right now?

 Please comment below, I would love to hear your story.

Irena Geller

🍓Food & Mood 😃 Coach   

BSc (Biomed), Cert IV (PT), Wellness Coach (Level 3))

I coach 35+ women to put down their fork and pick up their life.  If you want to end your struggles with excess weight, stress and self-belief, using your strengths and capabilities, book a free 15-minute mini-coaching session with me and I’ll show you how to transform your life.






about irena

Irena Geller

Irena Geller is a Sydney-based health & wellness coach specialising in the 🍓food and 😃 mood connection. She loves helping professional women to find the motivation and energy to eat healthily and exercise regularly and be consistent with these habits.

Have you tried every diet you can think of and lost confidence in yourself that you can be successful?

If you’re ready to finally lose weight and feel more confident. Book a good-fit coaching session with me to see if we can work together.

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